i don't think i am me now

the past two weeks have been difficult for me. i feel like drowning somewhere that makes me not me anymore. i feel afraid, in pain, sad, confused, and angry, all of the negative vibes hit me really bad. i know myself better than anyone so i know something wrong happens at the moment. i want to run and disappear and just leave everyone behind. i wanna be free but there's a wall in front of me that i can't even climb, at least for now because i still need to wait. i do hope the bomb won't suddenly explode, hope it'd ring the bell first so i can prepare myself. it'd be even better if i can throw away the bomb so i won't hurt myself or anyone around me.

Continuing the draft I had in January 2022: I Don't Know How 2022 Would Gonna Be

so i had this on my draft since January 7th 2022.

“so the last time was 2019, huh?

hi again, then. happy new year. happy 2022. we're still with corona by the way.

well, now i'm working as a banker, it's been a year already. still far from home and family and friends. never imagine i'd go this far. i mean i planned this, but not this far. lol.

adultlife is hell. that is true and everyone should know that. i don't know that's probably i'm the one who is unlucky enough, but at least i found that most of my friends experience the difficulties i have to face.

ok for now let aside my negative vibes for a moment. let's look deeper into the positive energy that we can bring to go further in 2022.

i honestly still try to find the meaning of living this life since it's getting harder day by day. moreover when you're working on som…”

it ended that way. and here now i’m gonna proceed my words after 7 months 🙂

there were lots of upside down i got to face since 2019 till now.