oh, it's 2023 already. days went by too fast just like the previous one. i would be upset back then but this is just what i want now. things are super weird these days and i don't think i can handle them anymore so they better go as quick as they can. such experiences happened before but to compare with the ones i face at the moment... whoa those were nothing. hence, i come to a realization that i'm strong enough as i can survive well for the past two years. i know that everyone has their own struggles and mine might seem easy for others but not for me... not at all.
i also think my personality has been changing a lot. i'm sort of worried about myself, to be honest. i know it because i'm feeling bad whenever i accidentally do things out of control and turn the situation into a fuss. my mood goes upside down so easily and i hate it. i can sing after waking up in the morning and after coming to the office and sitting down on my chair, i'd become such a different person with no smile and no talking at all until lunch hour. i know it but i just cannot change it right away.
everyone probably notices that i am super annoying. only if they knew i didn't behave like this in the past. i regret that i have to act this way but i have no idea how to change it as well. i think i'd be better if i go out and will not come back, but that's too impossible. i'm in a prisonlike situation with 4 years left. i have made a plan for my life after that though and i can only wish that it would run as i expected for all this time.
hahaha i start a new year with grumbling. what a life, really.